blog post #4: brace yourselves

Hello – it’s me (I had to). I am alive. I am breathing. I am writing once again.

It’s been 9 months since I last wrote a blog post which is totally unacceptable! However, I am back with a post & hopefully there will be a lot more content coming soon! I hope you are all well & fed and getting through life tremendously.

Let’s start with the title of this post. Brace yourselves. Take it as you see it. I have no idea what i’m about to pour out – although I feel it’s going to be lengthy. So, get that cup of tea & that biscuit jar and sit down ready to fixate your eyes on your screen.

I started this blog at a time where I had little to no responsibilities. Fresh out of university and working in a retail job to tie me down, my flexibility was a dream. On the other hand, watching everybody around me find their pathway was slightly overwhelming and so I began the hunt for a full-time job.

I think it’s safe to say job hunting has to be one of the most nerve-wracking experiences in life. You apply. You wait anxiously for an e-mail/phone call. You get one or the other – sometimes both! You get shortlisted. You get an interview. Everything seems great until you get one more e-mail starting with the word ‘unfortunately‘. Need I go on?Nonetheless, I somehow managed to stumble my way across my first ‘big girl’ job. It was one of the most exciting things that had happened in a while. The thought of working in the city and living that fast-paced lifestyle was so liberating, I just could not wait to start.

9 months later here I am. It’s been a gruelling 9 months and I honestly didn’t think I would last this long, but I stand myself corrected and continue to get through my big girl job. I’ll be brutally honest with you now. It’s not the best. My whole fantasy of living that amazing lifestyle in the city was basically shattered within 48 hours of the job. It’s completely different to anything i’ve ever experienced in my life. It was a real shock to the system. It’s stressful but rewarding. Tiring but enlightening. Accelerating but stagnant.

I am grateful enough to know some of the most talented and wonderful human beings on the planet. Future lawyers, doctors, teachers, entrepreneurs. I am so immensely proud of every single one of them. However, I can’t help but feel slightly deflated each and everyday. I compare myself to almost everybody I know. Why were they able to find their niche? Why do they have that and I don’t? Why were they were able to achieve that and I couldn’t? What am I actually doing with my life? I’ll let you in on a secret – I had no idea what I wanted to do as a career after I left university. I’ll now let you in on an even bigger secret – I STILL DON’T. I’ve never been one of those individuals who has that ‘thing‘. You know, someone who’s known for something that defines them. And I can’t help but wonder when i’ll actually discover it? I constantly feel as though i’m struggling to survive in the big open ocean whilst others are sailing across to land. It can be so frustrating knowing you have so much to give but don’t know how to execute it properly or nobody is willing to acknowledge it.

(p.s for those who know me & are reading this I know you all work extremely hard and I am not denying any of your hardships <3)

Whilst writing this post, I went back to read my previous posts and I couldn’t help but feel angry at my present self. My 9 months ago self wrote a post all about self-love and how you should make every day count. It definitely hit home. I took a deep breath, paused and counted my blessings because I have achieved so much within these past 9 months. I am so much more confident. I am able to stand on my own two feet. I am finding out about myself more and more everyday.  Yes, life may be tough sometimes. But the truth of it is – if it were easy would it be any fun? Everybody has their own journey in life, no matter how tough it may be. What may seem extremely difficult for me could be the simplest matter to another. Just because i’m having a bad week does not mean I have a bad life (thank you xx). I am able to achieve anything. It’s time to shake the negativity off and get back to doing things that I love doing. Exploring, spending time with my family & friends and making wonderful memories!

It’s important to remember that everything happens for a reason and as difficult as it may be, I am on my own journey to finding my pathway. If you find yourself relating to something in this post, I hope you can find comfort & I encourage us to stay strong, have faith & remember that you can do anything!

S x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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